Anniversary:

Straight AheadI can't think of a better way to begin a new year of entries in my blog than to start by celebrating my 31st wedding anniversary. On January 3, 1976, Lydia and I were married in her home church in New Jersey. A cold mist was falling as we left her church in Hightstown for our honeymoon. We were able to stay in the Regency-Hyatt in Knoxville for $25 a day that next week! I met Lydia during my final year of seminary. She was beginning her first year. She didn't immediately decide to marry me, even though she had strong feelings for me. She had to work through God's call for her life. I had to be patient; but I respected her for this. And I think it was an indication that God was directing this relationship. God told me to wait, and I did. One member of our present church who is 40 and still single says that when he thinks of getting married, he looks to his own parents and of Lydia and me as examples of marriage he'd like to emulate. He thinks we really understand what marriage is all about better than anybody else he knows. Lydia seems to sense when I need a kick in the pants or a comforting hug, an encouraging word, or permission to slow down. She understands that as Christians and as a minister of the Gospel, we go where God leads us--not necessarily where we, or our friends and family, think we ought to go! She supports me in my decisions without blindly affirming everything I say. Her opinions and reflections often give me the impetus I need to resist unnecessary pressures brought by those who think they should be able to manipulate or control what we do. She's not necessarily the typical preacher's wife; but then, I've been told more than once that I'm not the typical preacher! Lydia and I have a co-operation with each other that is truly a comfort to us both. We seem to be only too eager to try to relieve stress and make things easier for us both; but Lydia had this spirit long before I did. In fact, I think she finally taught me how it should work. And another thing that makes our marriage succeed so beautifully is the mutual respect we have for each other. She helps me whenever necessary; but she certainly isn't condescending to me because of my blindness. Then, there's the playfulness we share together. I hope other married couples can be as playful with each other as we are. It surely has avoided or short-circuited a lot of fights. We usually find it easy to apologize to each other, too. I have made plenty of mistakes during my life, and some decisions I wish I could reverse. But one thing I got right, by the grace of God, was the decision to marry my wonderful Lydia. God certainly knew what He was doing when He put us together. Lydia reminds me that marriage is work; but she also reminds me that our marriage succeeds largely because it is built on the foundation of Jesus Christ! She's absolutely right. I tell every couple I counsel how important it is to build your marriage on a Christian foundation and to communicate with each other in honesty and love. People are often amazed nowadays when they find out that Lydia and I have been married for so long. They think it's wonderful--and it is. I only wish it weren't so rare.

Reflections Upon theDeath of My Mother:

Straight AheadI intend this material to be not so much a journal of my life as a journal of my thoughts. The events of the past few weeks, however, cannot beseparated from the thoughts they bring to mind. I often use the end of the old year and the beginning of a new one as a time for reflection; but how does one reflect upon the death of his mother? It could even be argued that somethingso serious, so traumatic, is not appropriate material for a mere blog. And yet, since my writing and my time in cyber-space is so much a part of my life now, it would really be quite strange if such a significant happening, with all the accompanying ruminations, did not find its way into my blog. My mother died peacefully in a Nashville, Tennessee, nursing home on Sunday morning, December 17, just one day after the car accident I mentioned in my last entry. Her decline was very swift and rather sudden. A month before her death, blood tests had shown no indications of the impending crisis. On Thanksgiving night, she had watched the full three-hour video of "The Sound of Music" with my wife Lydia, and thoroughly enjoyed it. She had been weak, and Lydia prepared Thanksgiving dinner--steak, not turkey! On November 29, my mother went into the hospital to find out why she continued to be weak. Her breathing problems had not eased. A few days later, it was discovered that she had an aggressive, leukemia-like cancer. Less than two weeks after that grim discovery, she was gone. I still can't quite believe it! But as a long-time friend of the family said, "There's no tragedy in this. There's sadness, but no tragedy. She lived a great life!" He was quite right. As a Christian, we know that my mother is now in heaven. As a practical matter, we know that she lived a rich and full life while on earth. Yet, we cannot help but miss her, and grieve, and shed some tears. I'm thankful for the times she scolded and nagged me. I'm sure there were instances when she thought I had bitten off more than I could chew---times she wondered if I knew what I was doing. Those aren't the things I remember now, though. Now, I remember the good times, the laughing, the playfulness. I always teased my mother unmercifully about the time she stepped off a ladder on to my plastic dog and broke it all to pieces. Never mind that I had carelessly left it in the middle of the floor in my bedroom while she was painting that room. I must have been five or six years old. (The dog even had a little yiping bark when you pushed his head down.) My mother learned Braille so that I could have my Latin, German, and Spanish books in accessible formats. She sat in the living room quietly with me one day after I had done poorly on a biology test in high school. She knew I had worked hard and done my best, and that I was extremely disappointed. I remember the graduation dinner my parents and I had when I finished my years at Davidson College. When my mother realized how serious I was about Lydia during my final year in seminary, she asked, "What would happen if you gave Lydia a big kiss when she meets you at the airport?" Today, I think of the practical jokes she occasionally played on me, and the inside private jokes and understandings we had that nobody else shared. Those are the little things that bring the tears. Those are the things I'll miss the most. And I'll miss her pound cake, and all those dinners of roast beef with rice and gravy! When someone dies, we tend to want to make the person out to be almost super-human. I don't need to do that for my mother. I want to remember her as she truly was. She turned 80 years old in the hospital on December 9. As part of the natural process of life, most of us will lose our parents, and many of us will lose a spouse. Life must go on. I remember my mother for her playfulness, her compassion, her social graces, and for the amazing task she and my father had of raising a blind son to live a normal life. I pray that my mother was not disappointed with me. I certainly was not disappointed with her. I thank God for a mother who, with the help and support of my father, did everything possible to instill courage, confidence, and the Christian faith in their son. I remember, even as a little boy, my mother reading Bible stories to me. In the stories, there was always a little boy named Bobby and his mother who learned about Jesus and God. Of course, after Mother read those stories to me, we got to the "Tawny, Scrawny, Lion" or my other favorites. I was always impatient to get to the "fun stuff." But I'm glad she read to me about the little boy and his mother who shared the Christian faith. I guess that pretty well says all that's really important about my mother. Now, while we look forward to 2007, she can look forward to an eternity in the presence of the God she loved.

It's Good to Remember that Life Isn't Fair, as We Define Fairness:

On December 16, while in Nashville, Lydia and I were involved in a car wreck that wiped out our car.  We have a newer one now, a nicer one, as it turns out.  Nobody was hurt, and it wasn't Lydia's fault.  But now, we have payments to make over a three-year period.

 

We have worked to get to a position where we had no debts, no payments. Finally, this year, we were in the best financial situation we'd enjoyed in some time--and now this!  Life isn't fair, as we define fairness!  We didn't willfully start out to get a newer, nicer, bigger car.  We tried to find one we could pay for  entirely; but it was not to be.

 

God knows the financial question marks surrounding the future of this church.  He knows that full-time ministry here probably cannot long be sustained.  He knows where He wants me in future months.  I can only trust His sovereign wisdom, His good purposes, His plan.  Life isn't fair, as we define fairness; but we're not the ones to define or determine what is ultimately fair, or what is best!  We must be satisfied to be in the hands of an Almighty God!  Give me faith and patience.