When do We Grow Up?

Scott Peck, in his book, "The Road Less Traveled," comments about the difficulty of growing up.  He indicates that it's not as simple as we think.  He suggests that most of us never completely grow up.

 

By that, he means that it's very difficult for us to leave behind things from our childhood.  We cling to attitudes and ways that worked well for us as children which have long sense lost their usefulness, and may even be holding us back as adults. 

 

I read this some time ago, but I've been thinking about it ever since.  How much of what we do is colored by the expectations of others?  Or, on the other extreme, how much of what we do is simply a desire to break away, to be rebels, in a sense? In either case, we're not thinking primarily about the reasons or the merits of our actions or responses.  We're driven by external factors.  We are allowing ourselves to be mastered by others.  

 

In my case, I don't think my basic viewpoints are simply the sub-conscious expression of the beliefs of my parents. I do think, however, that for most of us, our past can exercise a subtle form of manipulation in our preferences, our decisions, our reluctance to think new thoughts and blaze new trails of experiences.  

 

When do we finally grow up?  I imagine that this tendency to cling to patterns from our past   affects different people indifferent ways. For some, it might be reflected in political or religious outlook.  For others, it might just be the reluctance to move far away from where they grew up.  It might show itself in preferences or relationships, guilt or the pressure to achieve.  I think I definitely deal with some of these things on some level.

 

It's important to note, however, that Scott Peck begins this well-known book with the words:  "Life is difficult."  Much of his writing emphasizes the point that we are ultimately responsible for the choices we make--even the decision finally to grow up.  It doesn't mean that we automatically jettison everything from our past.  It does mean that whatever we become, we have to make it our own and not just be copy-cat people.  For those of us who are Christian--and I understand that Scott Peck did become a Christian before his death--it means that our Christian faith cannot rest merely on the professions and devotions of our family. .  Our Christian faith must truly become our own--personal creed.  To the extent that our convictions, responses, and decisions are truly our own, and not merely the reflection of our past or our childhood, we can say that we have truly grown up.  Growing up can be very painful, though, because if we really take seriously the matter of becoming ourselves, we are going to have to leave behind a lot that we have truly cherished for a lifetime.  How many of us are ready to grow up in the fullest and best sense of that word?  How many of us are willing to do the hard work of self-examination necessary for this to take place? How many of us would be ready to face the consequences of what, for some, could be an experience of real upheaval?  

 

I don't know the answers to any of these questions.  I do pray that by God's grace, I will grow each day in those ways that are rooted and grounded in Christ.  I think Romans 8:29 holds the key to much of this for the Christian.  We are to be conformed to the image of God, to the image of His Son, Jesus Christ.  I guess we won't finally and fully grow up until we come face to face with Jesus in eternity.