Proving Myself:

Straight AheadMost of you know by now that I am totally blind. Because of this, I think I have felt during most of my life that I had to prove myself. My parents set high standards for me, and I have had high expectations of myself. I attended school with sighted kids. I graduated from Davidson College and from Princeton Theological Seminary. I think I felt that I had to prove that I could keep up with sighted people in my chosen calling of the ministry. This probably even influenced my vocational objectives at times. I have always known that my parents love me. I have always been sure that my wife loves me and believes in me completely. In other words, most of the pressure I have felt has probably been pressure I put on myself. I'm thankful that my parents always tried to make sure that my social skills, general appearance, and over-all conduct were acceptable in the sighted world. I feel that for the most part, I have been accepted in sighted relationships and activities rather well. Still, I couldn't completely get away from this idea of having to prove myself--until Monday morning! Somehow, on Monday morning this week, three days ago at just after 6:00, something clicked. I don't know why at that particular time, but something made me realize that this idea of feeling like I have to prove myself is no longer valid, if it ever was. If I can do something well, the glory shouldn't go to me, anyway, but to my Father which is in heaven! If I don't do some things very well, I'm in good company. I will make mistakes. There will always be some people who do some things better than I do. Still, I am unique. I have certain abilities and tasks, as we all do. My hopes and dreams need to match the hopes and dreams and tasks that God has for me--not some artificial list of designs and desires that I may have concocted over the years. I will still write and preach and be a pastor and do the best I can. When I make decisions, I'll try to do the very best I know at the time, as I've always tried to do. At times, people will treat me unfairly--just as they will many other people. All of that is in God's hands--and that's the best place for it to be. As for me, I don't have to put up any false fronts. I don't have to pretend. I don't have to prove that I'm worthy. By God's grace, I am what I am. I have what I have. I've done what I've done. I'm 56 years old. I am thankful for God's blessings and His guidance. I can bear witness to His grace and His love; but I don't have to prove that I am worthy. I just have to give thanks, acknowledge my dependence on Him, and rejoice in His care. And my friends, the same is true for all of us if we are resting in the love of Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour.